There has been something going on in my life that has me confused and questioning all sorts of things, I just want to take you through my thought process and what God is doing in my life. In order to get you to that I have to fill you in first.
A week ago last Saturday, my dog started getting sick. It appeared he had a cold. Sneezing, watery eyes, congestion, and very lethargic. Monday we went to the vet, he was put on an antibiotic. Monday night he got progressively worse and wasnt walking and was having a difficult time rising and sitting, all the while still experiencing the other symptoms. By Wednesday he was only eating and drinking if I hand fed him. Thursday the vet kept him overnight for observation did an x ray and blood work.
Now my dog is my kid. I love him deeply, the thought of losing him takes my breath away. I have found myself in hysterics daily. You know, that uncontrollable cry where sounds are coming out and you almost question where they come from? I have been preparing myself for the worst.
In the midst of all of this I have been praying, more like begging. Please God, ill never do that again, just save my Bailey. Dear God, I’m so sorry please don’t punish me for my sins.
Now we all know this is not how God operates, God is not punishing me. God has already forgiven me of my sins. I cannot bribe God. But this is where my auto pilot takes me.
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. (Hebrews 4:16 NLT)
There was nothing bold about my prayers. My prayers were weak and full of fear. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that. But my prayers were not confident, I was lacking faith and trust.
Now this is a little intense, but hey I had to make a start somewhere. Prayer is specifically used to draw you closer to God, that’s the point of prayer.
This next part is hard for me to write because I’m still experiencing much of this stuff for the first time and it still sounds unbelievable to me. If I wouldn’t be going through this I would pretty much put myself on the crazy Jesus Freak list!
Now my dog has had hands laid on him in the midst of all this. Sometimes when you’re desperate you’re willing to do things that otherwise you never would have done and I’m desperate to save my dog. Yes, I turned to God for healing last. I have some friends who have the gift of healing from God. I actually believe now that anyone with the Holy Spirit in them possesses this gift. Google scripture there are many verses that talk about the spiritual gifts and healing.
We prayed and prayed over bailey, casting out spirits especially the spirit of infirmity which I later learned was sickness.
Trust me, I know this sounds nuts, I do. Oh do I know. But stay with me. The vet calls me yesterday afternoon, the blood work is back and it’s okay, liver enzymes a little high, nothing major and x rays okay. He is perplexed. He doesn’t understand what is wrong with my sweet boy. Nothing makes sense to him and he just doesnt have an answer but obviously Bailey is sick he says. His concern is the swollen lymph node but I can pick Bailey up. He refers me to an internist.
When i arrive 3 hours later, he goes over the Treatment. He gives me two medicines an antibiotic and steroid. The vet was awesome, very accommodating and very compassionate. He feels horrible. He takes me back to Bailey and the poor guy can barely get up. I fight back the tears. The vet just keeps going on about the lymph node and how much it is swollen and how that is his biggest concern because its indicating an infection somewhere. He checks his lymph nodes one last time before he sends Bailey off. He has his tech come over to feel, they look at each other, his lymph node had gone down drastically over those 3 hours. They are amazed.
All day long I had been praising God for healing Bailey. Every time doubt came in my mind I started speaking scripture out loud. Scriptures were coming to me that I didn’t even know I knew. So on my way home I continued to praise God.
Then we get home and I’m looking at my boy, it looks bleak. I start to cry again and fear floods me. I start to panic, God I thought you healed him? Why is he not better? Then I remembered, I got out my bible and started speaking Gods word. It went a little like this. God you say if I have a mustard seed of faith nothing is impossible for you. You are my healer, you can do immeasurably more then I can even think of. You tell me I can pray for anything and if I believe it, it will happen. I can ask using Jesus name and it will happen. You are a compassionate God and you heal the sick. Your word is always true, you never lie. You know the desires of my heart. You tell me because of my faith it will happen. So thank you for always being the same in the beginning as you are today, thank you for healing bailey. Bailey is healed in Jesus name, your word tells me so. Thank you God, thank you Jesus.
Here are the scriptures I prayed on: mark 11:24; John 15:7; Luke 17:19; proverbs 17:22; proverbs 18:21; mark 11:22-23; Matthew 9:35; Matthew 14:14; John 16:23-24; Isaiah 40:8; Ephesians 3:20
Last night something happened as I fell asleep. For the first time I felt Jesus’ presence. I felt something hug me tightly, I can’t explain it. I felt peace and I felt safe and I didn’t want to move because I was afraid the security would leave me.
I woke up in the morning, went into the kitchen and guess who was behind me when I looked down? Bailey, wagging his tail. Up until this point he still hadn’t been drinking and was barely walking. He walked over to his dish and gulped down his water, I fed him and he ate wagging his tail the whole time. I took him out and he even was briskly walking. It was amazing! I began to praise God again.
After about an hour Bailey retreated back to his sick self. This time I stood strong in my faith and immediately I just started praising God and reminding Him, just kidding, myself what His word says. I didn’t waiver.
I’m not going to walk in fear. Fear takes me away from God, fear makes me doubt God. I can’t judge God based off my circumstances and my emotions. God doesn’t change my emotions and circumstances change. I’m not saying this is always easy, it’s been one of the hardest things Ive ever done and its a process and it’s taking commitment from me. Trusting God does not come naturally for me and a lot of the time it seems easier to give up on God. Those times happen when I’m walking in fear and not going to Gods word for truth.
I don’t have the answers. I don’t understand what’s going on. But lets say the vet gave me a diagnosis and explained it to me. I still wouldn’t understand it. It wouldn’t give me answers to why Bailey was sick. I wouldn’t understand any better. I wouldn’t understand how the medicine was working. I would still be confused but I would be taking solace in the medicine was going to make him better. I would have faith in the medicine, not because I understood it, but because I could see it. A pill when one is sick gives us comfort because it gives us hope. What if we sought comfort in God? What if we cast aside our doubts? What if we tried the life of prayer and speaking Gods word, even when the situation looked impossible?
I don’t know what is wrong with Bailey, Gods word tells me Bailey is healed. For once I’m going to listen to Gods word instead of my emotions and what the world tells me. When I experience fear which is not from God I will speak Gods word out loud. Because let’s just say there is a spiritual battle going on that I just can’t see, I do have the armor (Gods word) so I better use it and put it on because I do believe it will save my life. Today I am choosing to speak Gods word instead of my own fearful thoughts. If I’m going to believe in God I have to believe in Him for everything. God doesn’t want me Luke warm. God is all or he is nothing.
“I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! (Revelation 3:15, 16 NLT)
I don’t know the outcome, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, and when people ask how Bailey is my answer is no longer he is sick, my answer is according to Gods word he is healed and God is faithful, praise God!
Ps as I finished writing this, Bailey got up and went over to his water dish and chugged down his water. I don’t need to know how or why but I do know the only thing that is changing in this situation right now is my faith and it’s growing through Gods word!